Trollop of the Deep Blue Sea
Nov 12th
Tampa International Airport is a nice place. The terminals are pretty clean, there’s a good shopping area, and there are tropical fish in large aquariums to delight travelers.
Scratch that: There were tropical fish.
Today’s trollop is 36-year-old Yamile Campuzno-Martine, who’s not earning any points with that name. She lost control of her pickup truck – a favorite vehicle of trollops – and crashed into a $200,000 1,500 aquarium. Nearly all the fish in the tank were killed.
That’s bad. But what elevates her to true trollop status is that she had a six-year-old boy in her lap at the time. Unrestrained, naturally. The kid is lucky he survived; not so lucky to have sat in the lap of an authentic North American Trollopus Trollopi.
So to sum up: trollop has pick-up truck; trollop places child on lap; trollop drives pick-up truck to Tampa International; trollop endangers several species of fish. Sounds about right. Sounds like she’s headed to jail. Where she’ll become fresh fish herself.
Trollop.
RELATED LINK: Woman drives into aquarium at Tampa airport
You May Now Kiss The Trollop
Nov 11th
Tasha Johnson and Markeith Brown seem like any newlywed couple. But there’s a terrible twist. The bride… is a trollop.
The two were married in Tampa this weekend at the Rusty Pelican, a restaurant whose name sounds like a deviant sex act. All was going well when, a few hours into the reception, the groom threw some money on the dance floor for children to collect up.
One guest became upset, and the groom and his brother confronted the man, asking him to leave. A fight broke up, involving a great many of the guests, and police were called to the scene.
So if the money was thrown by the groom and then he and his brother started the fight with another man, why is the bride a trollop? Easy. Have you ever heard of a wedding not completely planned by the bride? She knew about the money. She caused this. Despite empirical evidence to the contrary, women are smart. They know how people are going to react to things. This bride – no, this TROLLOP – was full aware she was launching a major-league brawl.
Bonus trollop: the female guest who put the groom’s 74-year-old grandmother in a headlock.
RELATED LINK: Wedding goes wild as guests throw punches
Goldfish Trollop
Nov 10th
Next time you get in a fight with your girlfriend and she says she wants to eat your goldfish, make sure she means the kind you get from Pepperidge Farm and not the pet shop.
Also make sure you’re never date a trollop like an unnamed woman in Pasadena, Texas, who, after a dispute with her former common-law husband, fried up and ate his pet goldfish after a dispute about jewelry.
Police spokesman Vance Mitchell says the man reported on Saturday that the woman took the goldfish from his apartment. Mitchell says the two argued earlier about some jewelry the man had given her but took back. She wanted the jewelry returned and apparently got hungry.
Officers who were dispatched to the woman’s home arrived to find four fried goldfish on a plate. The woman said she already ate the other three but could not finish the meal because everything, including goldfish, is bigger in Texas.
No word on the spices used to cook the fish, nor if she put the remaining fish in a doggy bag for officers to take home.
Trollop.
RELATED LINK: Cops: Woman eats ex’s goldfish after spat
Anti-Smoking Trollop
Nov 9th
Don’t smoke ‘em if you got ‘em in Niceville, Florida, especially not around one anti-smoking trollop who was apprehended after attacking a smoker with air freshener.
Police were called to an apartment complex in Niceville, Fla. where they found a woman spraying a 9 ounce can of “Glade Potpourri Air Freshener” around another woman’s head, the Northwest Florida Daily News of Fort Walton Beach reported.
In addition to being an anti-smoker, she’s also anti-being-a-decent-human-being. Instead of asking the woman if she could blow her butt a few feet away, or to put it out, the logical alternative for this bitch was to spray her with a chemical for nearly a minute.
The police report quoted the sprayer saying she’ll continue to spray the air freshener and threatened she’d take the case all the way to the Supreme Court, maintaining her right to breathe fresh air. Of course, she never mentioned a person’s right to not be sprayed in the face with air freshener, which is the 16th amendment.
This was the second time the woman had attacked the other woman with air freshener for smoking in front of her apartment.
Trollop.
RELATED LINK: Woman Arrested For Attacking Smoker With Air Freshener
Stripper Mom Trollop
Nov 6th
It’s tough to take care of your children when you’re a mother on the go-go.
Fiordaliza Collado-Ramirez of Palm Bay, Florida found that out the hard way after being arrested and charged with child neglect after leaving her children home alone so she can go to work at a local strip club.
From the news item:
Police went to an apartment in the 300 block of Mercury Avenue at about 10:30 p.m. Thursday after a neighbor called and said one child — a 5-year-old girl — was on a balcony.
The other child, a 4-year-old girl, was ill and lying on a couch, police said.
Officers responded to Bare Assets Gentleman Club, 4020 New Haven Ave., West Melbourne and arrested Collado-Ramirez.
Say what you will about the parenting skills of the late Michael Jackson, but at least he was holding his child while dangling it on the balcony.
Mom, of course, had a logical explanation: The babysitter usually comes on Wednesdays, but it was Thursday and she hadn’t made arrangements. So instead of finding a replacement sitter or leaving the children with a trusted neighbor or family member, she let them stay alone because she was late for work.
The Department of Children and Family Services took custody of the children and will be conducting a follow up investigation. We’re sure her kids will become well-adjusted adults.
Trollop.
RELATED LINK: Cops: Mom left 2 kids home alone to work at strip club