Toni Tramel, a 31-year-old Owensboro, Kentucky woman, was initially jailed on a misdemeanor public intoxication.  She then confused an officer with her infant child.   As she was changing into an inmate uniform, she squirted breast milk into the face of a female deputy who was with her.  Tramel said she used milk as a last resort after forgetting her Trick Squirt Flower at home.

Tramel now faces a felony charge of third degree assault on a police officer. Her bond was set at $10,000.

The officer said the milk was a too sweet for her since she was bottle fed as a child.

Trollop.

RELATED LINK: Inmate squirts breast milk on deputy

Cynthia Y. Vetter was arrested around 2:30 Sunday afternoon after a police officer witnessed her firing two shots from a handgun at her neighbor’s dog.  She was taken to jail and faces charges of Criminal Recklessness, a class D felony.

The police officer had been called to Vetter’s address to investigate a neighbor’s dog being in the woman’s yard. While the officer was speaking with the dog’s owner after attempts to speak with the dog itself drew only barks, he saw Vetter step out the front door of her home and fire two shots from a .38 caliber revolver at the dog as the animal was trying to crawl under the fence surrounding Vetter’s yard.

Luckily, Vetter’s hands were shaky from arthritis and the dog that she fired at was not injured.  The dog responded by pooping in her yard out of spite.

Vetter then reportedly ignored the officer’s order to put the gun down and reentered her house to finish watching a classic episode of “Bonanza.”  She was arrested a short time later and the revolver was seized.

Later that day, a baseball was thrown into the yard by neighbor Timmy Stewart, 9, and was not retrieved.

Trollop.

RELATED LINK: Woman arrested after firing shots at neighbor’s dog in officer’s presence

Jackie Denise Knott, 37, was arrested for having her 13-year-old daughter ride in a cardboard box atop her van.  Police said Knott was charged with endangering the welfare of a child.

Police received a call Sunday morning of a minivan traveling on U.S. 431 with a large cardboard box on top with a child inside.  Officers stopped the van on U.S. 431 and asked Knott why the child was riding atop her vehicle.

“The box was too big to go inside the van, and she would be able to hold it down if she was inside the box,” Knott told police.  “Also, I saw them do it in ‘Teen Wolf’ and my daughter is about the same size as Michael J. Fox.”

Knott told the officers that she had the box secured to the van with a clothes hanger.

The child was turned over to a relative who will only allow her to ride on top of a car in a box once it’s been secured with duct tape.

Trollop.

RELATED LINK: Woman charged for having child ride in box atop van

Karen Spencer, 43, was chargd with food tampering and elderly abuse after she gave her mother a cookie baked with marijuana.

Spencer’s party pooper son told deputies he saw his mom give his grandmother a marijuana cookie without telling his grandmother what was in it.

The son’s girlfriend, another witness, said Spencer told the victim the cookie would help her feel better. She said after the victim ate the cookie, Spencer told her it was a “pot cookie.”

Both witnesses said the victim put on a Peter, Paul, and Mary record and ate a tub of sour cream before having heart palpitations.  She was taken to the hospital on what was sure to be a trippy ambulance ride.

Spencer told deputies she only gave her mother a small portion of the cookie and did not mean to make her sick.  Also, the cookie was high in fiber.

Deputies said Spencer bogarted the remaining marijuana cookies before they arrived.

Trollop.

RELATED LINK: Deputies: Woman Gave Mom ‘Pot Cookie’

Court officials say a Birmingham woman who changed her name to Jesus Christ didn’t live up to it when she reported for jury duty this week. The woman, previously named Dorothy Lola Killingworth, was sent to Judge Clyde Jones’s courtroom for a criminal case Monday.

The 59-year-old was excused because she was disruptive , kept asking questions instead of answering them, and was trying to turn everyone’s water into wine.

Court administrator Sandra Turner said people there were shocked when the woman insisted her name was Jesus Christ and some potential jurors laughed out loud when her name was called.

It’s unclear whether or not the woman adopted the 12 chosen jurors as her apostles.

Efforts to reach Christ for comment were unsuccessful.

RELATED LINK: Jesus Christ Dumped From Jury Pool

In an attempt to delay a flight that her boss might miss, the unnamed woman called in a bomb threat.  Loyal employee?  Yes.  Terrorist?  No.  Trollop?  Definitely.

Miami International Airport officials received a call and an e-mail claiming that a bomb was on an American Airlines plane. Police searched the specified aircraft but didn’t find a bomb.

The e-mail was eventually tracked to the woman’s computer.  Upon questioning by police, she  reportedly told police that her boss had been booked on the flight to Honduras, but she had caused him to be late for the flight. She thought the bomb threat would give her boss time to make it.

Thus the old adage remains true:  Nothing good ever happens on the way to Honduras.

The woman was being held on $7,500 bail, but you can’t put a price tag on impressing your boss.

Trollop.

RELATED LINK: Cops: Woman makes threat to delay flight

Party-goers in Fort Pierce, Florida, had to call it an early night after a trollop fired a shotgun to get people away from her house.

Telisha Rena Richmond, first called 911 because, according to an affidavit, “people from a party down the street” were parking in her yard.

Officers asked the people to move their cars.  The impolite parkers allegedly began yelling at Richmond, who responded by grabbing her shotgun and firing it into the air.

Richmond said she’d imbibed “at least” six beers before the incident.  Shocker.  She was arrested on charges of firing a weapon in public and disorderly intoxication.

Trollop.

RELATED LINK: Fort Pierce woman arrested after she said she fired shotgun to get partiers to move

Katie Lynn Smith, 20,  trolloped her way to criminal charges  after she discounted $20,000 worth of Lowe’s merchandise to win a man’s affection.

Unfortunately for her, security cameras caught her selling the man a pressure washer worth several hundred dollars for $3.66.

Charges, of course, were brought against her.  The police complaint says Smith admitted incorrectly ringing up nearly $20,000 worth of merchandise in four months for “a male she desired as a boyfriend.”

Police couldn’t say whether the scheme helped her romantic prospects, though it’s assumed the man pleasured her with the vibrating handle of an  $89.99 belt sander that he purchased for $1.48

Trollop.

RELATED LINK: Police: Ex-clerk discounted hardware to woo man

A trollop in Leesburg, Florida attempted to bring a new business tactic to the world’s oldest profession.  Unfortunately, her test subject was an undercover police officer.

“I don’t take money for sex,” Ashley M. Hollin, 26, told police. “I take money for company, and the sex is free.”

Hollin’s winning strategy was hatched after being arrested for prostitution earlier in the day.

According to a police report, Hollin told the officer she had learned something from her earlier arrest — accept cash for companionship, not sex.

“See, I learned from making the mistake last night with the police. . . . If I do it this way, they can’t get me for it,” Hollin said, according to a police report.

She was promptly arrested on prostitution-related charges.

Florida men must now look elsewhere for a $50 conversation about 18th century poetry and free pussy.

RELATED LINK: Prostitution suspect: ‘I take money for company . . . sex is free’

What we all don’t do, however, is use subway tracks as our cot.

Meet Name Withheld, who ambled around a subway stop in Boston a few evenings ago with a blood alcohol content of approximately .99.  Video from the station shows her wobbling around on the platform before stumblind onto the tracks, where she curled up in a fetal position and fell asleep.

Okay, she probably didn’t fall asleep, but she sure wasn’t moving around much.  In contrast to the approaching train, which was moving at a great rate of speed.  Alert, non-trollop citizens on the platform waved furiously at the approaching train, and the operator eventually got the picture and stopped.  The trollop was spared.

But to those of us who make our livings watching trollops, the threat level has increased.  First it’s disrupting air travel by driving a pick-up into an airport aquarium; now it’s delaying the Boston subway.  You better be careful.  Next they might hijack a unicycle.

Trollop.

RELATED LINK: Drunk woman survives fall onto subway track