Cynthia Y. Vetter was arrested around 2:30 Sunday afternoon after a police officer witnessed her firing two shots from a handgun at her neighbor’s dog.  She was taken to jail and faces charges of Criminal Recklessness, a class D felony.

The police officer had been called to Vetter’s address to investigate a neighbor’s dog being in the woman’s yard. While the officer was speaking with the dog’s owner after attempts to speak with the dog itself drew only barks, he saw Vetter step out the front door of her home and fire two shots from a .38 caliber revolver at the dog as the animal was trying to crawl under the fence surrounding Vetter’s yard.

Luckily, Vetter’s hands were shaky from arthritis and the dog that she fired at was not injured.  The dog responded by pooping in her yard out of spite.

Vetter then reportedly ignored the officer’s order to put the gun down and reentered her house to finish watching a classic episode of “Bonanza.”  She was arrested a short time later and the revolver was seized.

Later that day, a baseball was thrown into the yard by neighbor Timmy Stewart, 9, and was not retrieved.

Trollop.

RELATED LINK: Woman arrested after firing shots at neighbor’s dog in officer’s presence

Jackie Denise Knott, 37, was arrested for having her 13-year-old daughter ride in a cardboard box atop her van.  Police said Knott was charged with endangering the welfare of a child.

Police received a call Sunday morning of a minivan traveling on U.S. 431 with a large cardboard box on top with a child inside.  Officers stopped the van on U.S. 431 and asked Knott why the child was riding atop her vehicle.

“The box was too big to go inside the van, and she would be able to hold it down if she was inside the box,” Knott told police.  “Also, I saw them do it in ‘Teen Wolf’ and my daughter is about the same size as Michael J. Fox.”

Knott told the officers that she had the box secured to the van with a clothes hanger.

The child was turned over to a relative who will only allow her to ride on top of a car in a box once it’s been secured with duct tape.

Trollop.

RELATED LINK: Woman charged for having child ride in box atop van

Court officials say a Birmingham woman who changed her name to Jesus Christ didn’t live up to it when she reported for jury duty this week. The woman, previously named Dorothy Lola Killingworth, was sent to Judge Clyde Jones’s courtroom for a criminal case Monday.

The 59-year-old was excused because she was disruptive , kept asking questions instead of answering them, and was trying to turn everyone’s water into wine.

Court administrator Sandra Turner said people there were shocked when the woman insisted her name was Jesus Christ and some potential jurors laughed out loud when her name was called.

It’s unclear whether or not the woman adopted the 12 chosen jurors as her apostles.

Efforts to reach Christ for comment were unsuccessful.

RELATED LINK: Jesus Christ Dumped From Jury Pool

Police were called to an apartment complex in Niceville, Fla. where they found a woman spraying a 9 ounce can of “Glade Potpourri Air Freshener” around another woman’s head, the Northwest Florida Daily News of Fort Walton Beach reported.

In addition to being an anti-smoker, she’s also anti-being-a-decent-human-being.  Instead of asking the woman if she could blow her butt a few feet away, or to put it out, the logical alternative for this bitch was to spray her with a chemical for nearly a minute.

The police report quoted the sprayer saying she’ll continue to spray the air freshener and threatened she’d take the case all the way to the Supreme Court, maintaining her right to breathe fresh air.  Of course, she never mentioned a person’s right to not be sprayed in the face with air freshener, which is the 16th amendment.

This was the second time the woman had attacked the other woman with air freshener for smoking in front of her apartment.

Trollop.

RELATED LINK: Woman Arrested For Attacking Smoker With Air Freshener

A domestic dispute between a Eustis, Florida mother and daughter led to both of them being put in jail and charged with battery.

Lisa W. Johnson, 46, and her biological daughter, Jessica Marie Fixl, 25, broke out into fisticuffs over a man with whom they had both been having sexual relations.

Richard Bowman, the man involved and the envy of every guy who frequents the local VFW in Eustis, had been living with Johnson as a couple for a year.  When Johnson recently went to jail, Fixl carried on the rich family tradition of trollopy and began screwing her mother’s boyfriend, according to the affidavit.

Johnson eventually returned from jail, leading to a sticky situation at the homestead.  Things came to a head when, in a ballsy move, Johnson grabbed her man’s testicles and wouldn’t let go.  At one point, she said she was going to “rip them off,” according to Bowman’s account.   In response, her daughter did the logical thing by punching her in the forehead.

The ensuing melee left Fixl with blood on her fingernails and a ring that was missing stones, which caused a cut on Johnson’s forehead (as seen in the mugshot).

Now, they’ll get to spend time in jail as a family.

Mom was arrested on a charge of felony domestic simple battery on Bowman. It’s a felony charge because she was convicted of criminal domestic abuse in 1991 and convicted of battery in early September.

Daughter was arrested and charged with domestic battery upon her mother because police said Bowman could defend himself against Johnson.

The old saying is true, after all:  The family that commits battery and sleeps with the same man together, stays together.

Trollops.

RELATED LINK: Family feud: Eustis mom, daughter jailed in fight over same man

It seems a “bitch” was in her “dog house” when a “stray” human – a homeless “rrrrrrrobberrrrrrrr” – tried turning this woman’s door knob.

Talk about “ruff” luck!

Anyway, according to the Associated Press:  “The woman got on the floor and began scratching at the door and acting like a large dog when the suspicious man tried turning the woman’s door knob.  The police report did not say what specific dog-like behaviors, such as barking, the woman mimicked.”

The man ran away with his “tail” between his “hind legs.”  Police couldn’t find him.  Maybe they shoulda brought out the K-9s!

So why does this woman earn a spot on Trollop Watch?  After all, she was ostensibly just protecting her home.  The answer is:  we here at TW do not believe she knew there was a burglar.  We believe she just wanders around her house playing “Dog,” and just so happened to scare away a burglar – who probably figured, “This broad’s liable to give me rabies.”  Or something.

Trrrrrrrrrollop.

RELATED LINK: Ga. woman scares off burglar by acting like a dog

Today’s trollop comes to us from Alpharetta, Georgia, where 39-year-old Nicole Gomez yelled swears and assaulted a man when another restaurant customer turned around to look at her.

The other customer:  a five-year-old girl eating with her dad.  The restaurant:  McDonald’s.

Here’s what happened:  the girl turned around in her bench and looked at Gomez, who told the dad the girl was “[expletive] with her.”  (Quotes come from an Atlanta Journal-Constitution story.)  The dad, Ken Garrison, told Gomez she was being overly sensitive, and she called him a “bitch.”

Understandably Garrison moved himself and his daughter to a table further from Gomez.  Later he refilled his drink and told her again she’d been overly sensitive; she told him to “get out of my face, bitch.”  When Garrison went to leave, Gomez threw her drink at him, ice cubes and all.  He had the manager call the police.

From the article:

In 1998, Gomez was sentenced to six years in prison on child cruelty charges after pleading guilty to abandoning her newborn daughter in a Dumpster at the Clayton County apartment complex where she was living at the time. The baby survived, and Gomez was released from prison in 2002.

Trollop.

RELATED LINK: Child’s stare sparks restaurant argument

That was the case in Grand Forks, ND, where a woman who lives net to an elementary school was charged with disorderly conduct after porn was allegedly playing on her television with her front door open and volume at a maximum level.

Employees at the school reported the loud, conspicuous pornography out of concerns for students who were arriving in the morning.  While I like to watch hard core porn with my morning bowl of raisin bran as much as the next guy, I usually shut the blinds and listen at a reasonable volume.

Though one might say the kids were going to find out about the birds and the bees eventually anyways, conventional wisdom says to leave such things as double penetration up to the imagination until they turn 13 at least.

To top things off, when police arrived at the house, she physically resisted the officers.  She was extracted by force and proceeded to bite the officer’s arm, kick him in the groin, and spit in his face.

Fluid exchange of any kid from this woman might be cause for alarm, but she did her best to eloquently dispel any fears during her hearing.

“I have a cold and don’t believe I touched anybody’s skin when I spit on the cop that I did,” she said.

You could likely substitute the word “cold” for the phrase “lack of brain function” and get a more accurate description of this trollop.  So next time you want to get kinky and there is a possibility of a group of children walking by your house, draw the blinds, please.

RELATED LINK: GF woman accused of showing porn video from window, assaulting cop

So when the woman shows up in a limo and announces to the store she’s a lottery winner, and will buy coats for everybody, you get on the phone and tell as many local relatives and friends as possible to haul ass to the store.  After all, this is everybody’s chance to sport a splendid $80 faux fur knee-length slightly damaged purple coat!

This was the scene that unfolded at a Burlington Coat Factory in Ohio.  Five hundred people filled the store, and another 1,000 waited outside.  It was beautiful, man, all these people, united in the common goodness of man just because a lottery winner decided she wanted to share.

Or not.

The woman, who was wanted on three outstanding warrants, was not a lottery winner at all.  No, after she had been arrested, after the fracas turned into a riot with angry customers taking merchandise without paying, police speculated she may have even been mentally ill.  Moreso than other trollops, I mean.  Her limo driver turned her in.  I don’t know the driver’s gender, but that could be another trollop right there.

LINK:  “Lottery winner” causes riot at Ohio coat store