Jesus Christ Trollopstar
Dec 7th
In a modern day Christmas tale, Jesus Christ was once again turned away close to a birthday. Only this time, it’s an Alabama woman named Jesus who was rejected from a jury, not a place to stay.
Court officials say a Birmingham woman who changed her name to Jesus Christ didn’t live up to it when she reported for jury duty this week. The woman, previously named Dorothy Lola Killingworth, was sent to Judge Clyde Jones’s courtroom for a criminal case Monday.
The 59-year-old was excused because she was disruptive , kept asking questions instead of answering them, and was trying to turn everyone’s water into wine.
Court administrator Sandra Turner said people there were shocked when the woman insisted her name was Jesus Christ and some potential jurors laughed out loud when her name was called.
It’s unclear whether or not the woman adopted the 12 chosen jurors as her apostles.
Efforts to reach Christ for comment were unsuccessful.
RELATED LINK: Jesus Christ Dumped From Jury Pool
Bomb Threat Trollop
Dec 2nd
For years, women have had to deal with a glass ceiling at the work place. A trollop in Miami figured out the best way to bust through it was with a bomb. Or at least the threat of one.
In an attempt to delay a flight that her boss might miss, the unnamed woman called in a bomb threat. Loyal employee? Yes. Terrorist? No. Trollop? Definitely.
Miami International Airport officials received a call and an e-mail claiming that a bomb was on an American Airlines plane. Police searched the specified aircraft but didn’t find a bomb.
The e-mail was eventually tracked to the woman’s computer. Upon questioning by police, she reportedly told police that her boss had been booked on the flight to Honduras, but she had caused him to be late for the flight. She thought the bomb threat would give her boss time to make it.
Thus the old adage remains true: Nothing good ever happens on the way to Honduras.
The woman was being held on $7,500 bail, but you can’t put a price tag on impressing your boss.
Trollop.
RELATED LINK: Cops: Woman makes threat to delay flight
Shotgun Shootin’, Party Bustin’ Trollop
Nov 18th
A sure-fire way kill a party is when someone says “let’s do a shotgun round,” you pull out bullets instead of Miller Lite.
Party-goers in Fort Pierce, Florida, had to call it an early night after a trollop fired a shotgun to get people away from her house.
Telisha Rena Richmond, first called 911 because, according to an affidavit, “people from a party down the street” were parking in her yard.
Officers asked the people to move their cars. The impolite parkers allegedly began yelling at Richmond, who responded by grabbing her shotgun and firing it into the air.
Richmond said she’d imbibed “at least” six beers before the incident. Shocker. She was arrested on charges of firing a weapon in public and disorderly intoxication.
Trollop.
RELATED LINK: Fort Pierce woman arrested after she said she fired shotgun to get partiers to move
Lowe’s Low Prices Trollop
Nov 17th
While most women working in a hardware store would seduce a customer by baking brownies or by wearing nothing but a thong under their apron, a West Virginia Lowe’s employee realized the quickest way to a man’s heart is with a half-price miter saw.
Katie Lynn Smith, 20, trolloped her way to criminal charges after she discounted $20,000 worth of Lowe’s merchandise to win a man’s affection.
Unfortunately for her, security cameras caught her selling the man a pressure washer worth several hundred dollars for $3.66.
Charges, of course, were brought against her. The police complaint says Smith admitted incorrectly ringing up nearly $20,000 worth of merchandise in four months for “a male she desired as a boyfriend.”
Police couldn’t say whether the scheme helped her romantic prospects, though it’s assumed the man pleasured her with the vibrating handle of an $89.99 belt sander that he purchased for $1.48
Trollop.
RELATED LINK: Police: Ex-clerk discounted hardware to woo man
Pay for company & the Trolloping is free
Nov 16th
The next time you hear a woman say “a penny for your thoughts,” make sure she wants to pick your brain and isn’t propositioning you for sex.
A trollop in Leesburg, Florida attempted to bring a new business tactic to the world’s oldest profession. Unfortunately, her test subject was an undercover police officer.
“I don’t take money for sex,” Ashley M. Hollin, 26, told police. “I take money for company, and the sex is free.”
Hollin’s winning strategy was hatched after being arrested for prostitution earlier in the day.
According to a police report, Hollin told the officer she had learned something from her earlier arrest — accept cash for companionship, not sex.
“See, I learned from making the mistake last night with the police. . . . If I do it this way, they can’t get me for it,” Hollin said, according to a police report.
She was promptly arrested on prostitution-related charges.
Florida men must now look elsewhere for a $50 conversation about 18th century poetry and free pussy.
RELATED LINK: Prostitution suspect: ‘I take money for company . . . sex is free’